THE AL GORE BLOG

December 16, 2002
Well, my loyal reader(s) will have noticed a break in the action. I have decided to take a rest from politics and from blogging.
After the undeniable success of the Internet, I am going to devote myself more to inventing. Click here for more information.

November 15, 2002
As I have been saying all along, if it had not been for some guy in Miami named Bob, I would be president today.

November 12, 2002
There is one topic people in America are talking about to the point of obsession in recent days. From shopping malls to bowling alleys, from barbershops to barrooms, everyone seems fixated with this matter.
And of course the subject of America's preoccupation is what on earth is Al Gore going to talk about with Barbara Walters this week. Well, I will let the cat partially out of the bag here so this great nation can focus on other important matters -- like what on earth is Al Gore going to say when he is goes on Saturday Night Live in December.

November 7, 2002
Well, the voters have decided. And it is hard for me to conceal my glee after the success of the Democrats in Tuesday's election.
No matter where you look -- whether it be Minnesota, Missouri or Florida -- nearly one in two American voters have given our party their resounding approval.
I think this is just further proof that we are on course to repeat this same performance in 2004.

November 4, 2002
Many of you may be wondering why is that ever since I discovered the Internet things have been quite slow here at Al Gore Laboratories.
Well, I am proud to introduce my new invention. I call it Stand-Up Comedy. I am going to give it a try on some show called Saturday Night Live.
Apparently they are in such bad shape in terms of ratings that need my help to pull them out of their rut as soon as I possibly can.
I even plan to invite my favorite musical group, To Be Announced, to mark the occasion.

November 1, 2002
More great news! Tipper and I are soon to become published authors. That' right. In our new book, “Joined at the Heart,” the American public gets an opportunity to have a look at what it has so desperately lacked over the past two years, more of the Gore family.
Now you can read even more riveting, exhilarating (and all those other adjectives that are synonymous with Al Gore) tales in this new 426-page book.
Finally, the American people will hear Al Gore in his own words (as told to him by Paul Begala and James Carville.)

October 31, 2002
Great news! This blog has been listed on SITES FROM HELL. I am not sure why, but I think it has something to do with the nice, warm feeling people get after reading it.

October 30, 2002
If this blog has proved anything, it has proved that the naysayers were wrong once again.
“Nay, nay, nay” is what they were saying. “A blog by Al Gore will be boring and uninspiring.”
Well, here we are six weeks later, so let's take a moment and see how mistaken they were.
We have made extensive progress in analyzing the pros and cons of beard growth, with the possibility of expanding the debate to include nail filing and hair brushing.
We have also settled the issue of whether or not I will be a candidate in 2004 by clearly stating that I am not deliberately evading the possibility that I shall not not unequivocally declare my stance on the issue.
And, most exciting of all, you, my dear reader(s), have been given the opportunity to see firsthand how the person who brought you this wonderful World Wide Internet Computer Thingy, incorporates his invention into his daily life.

October 29, 2002
Don't let anyone ever tell you that Al Gore is a political has-been. If that were the case, then would I have received such extensive coverage last week in the internationally renowned and politically influential Pottstown, Pennslyvania Mercury.

October 28, 2002
OH NO! I'M SHRINKING

October 25, 2002
I called the president today to wish him and his party good luck in the upcoming elections.
Then I called him back to say I wasn't conceding the election to him, just wishing him the best of luck, short of winning of course.
Two hours later, I called him to let him know that I was retracting the statement in which it might be interpreted that good luck was some sort of concession.
Finally, in the evening, I called him again to say I was conceding the good luck part, but not the election. Glad I was finally able to clear that up.

October 23, 2002
Times have certainly changed since Tipper and I served as the basis for Erich Segal's “Love Story.” Far from seeing me as a hero as in that best-selling novel, many of my fellow Democrats have decided to declare open season on yours truly. And I thought we were supposed to be a peaceful bunch.
(A reminder to my loyal reader(s): If you see a old link here please notify my staff of Internet workers immediately. Our staffers will discuss the matter with our regional directors, then hold a focus group on the subject. Later my chief of staff will set up a special task force to look into it in depth and present a 35-page policy paper on the problems of Internet linking in the United States in the year 2002 and how they can be fixed by 2004.)

October 21, 2002
I thought I could hide this part of my past, but some reporter seems to have found out about my tie-dye shirts and extensive collection of bootleg tapes.

October 17, 2002
Well, a new name will soon be added to the list of exciting, exhilarating and charismatic people Barbara Walters has interviewed over the years -- Al Gore.
I am looking forward have this opportunity to discuss a variety of interesting topics with her and the American people, including the pros and cons of beard growth and my steadfast decision to not say whether I am not not going to be a candidate in 2004.
I am sure folks will be riveted to their television sets for this one.

October 15, 2002
Okay, it's official. I can no longer bear to think of the tub of goo I have become. Therefore, I have decided to start running.
I even invited my old friend Joe Lieberman to come running with me. (We both agreed it is never too early for politicians in America to start running.) So off we went.
But the fact is, though it looked like we were running, we were just going through the motions. And Lieberman seemed to be trying to trip me up everywhere I went.
Odd, because he said he had no problems with me leading the run. Whenever I said we should run in a particular direction, he would say 'fine.' Yet he always kept leaning in the other direction, as if he wanted to lead.

October 13, 2002
Greetings loyal reader(s).
It appears my recent silence has not gone unnoticed.
Even some of my fellow Democrats are now starting to wonder where I am.

October 9, 2002
Hello again, fellow cool Internet people.
Despite taking great steps the other day to clarify my position on whether I shall be a candidate in 2004, some people are still not sure what I meant to say.
So let me say again that I am not not saying that I am not not running away from the question of whether or not I am going to not not run.

October 8, 2002
Some whining, sniveling journalistic worm on whose very ground I am too worthy to tread suggests the reason press coverage about me is so negative is that I show contempt towards those in the media.

October 7, 2002
I want to take this opportunity to reveal my intentions regarding seeking the presidency in 2004. Apparently there has been a lot of confusion over this issue lately.
Let me state that I have chosen not to deny that I am thinking about not reflecting on contemplating the viability of not considering discussion of mediation to ponder further deliberation on my potentially unofficial campaign.
I hope that clears things up once and for all.

October 4, 2002
Since it has been revealed by some news sources that I have been battling something of a weight problem recently, several nice people have written in to give me their advice.
For example, two young women, Heather and Paige, wrote me to tell me about how I can lose up to 50 pounds in under six weeks. They even gave me a web page where I can go to enlist in this program.
(As much as I hate to brag, I think this proves yet another way this Internet thingy of mine is helping to bring people closer together.)
However, I am still not quite sure what the video of Heather and Paige and several of their sorority sisters on a trip to Las Vegas had to do with weight loss.

October 3, 2002
Where the heck is that wedding ring of mine? Oh, there it is on the floor. Now if I could just find a way of bending down and picking it up.

October 2, 2002
Some out there are suggesting that Al Gore has become irrelevant. Just because I may not be able to dance as well as some others, doesn't mean I have nothing to offer.

September 30, 2002
The more I look into this Internet invention of mine the more fascinated I become by it. Where else can you find such fascinating things as The Stapler Database, a history of shaving or, for lawn mower racing enthusiasts, the latest from The U.S. Lawn Mower Racing Association? And all at one's fingertips.

September 27, 2002
1,012,541…1,012,542… A lot of people out there seem to have the idea that I am somehow bored and frustrated and don’t know what to do with myself since I lost the election two years ago. Just because counting ballots from Florida has become one of my new hobbies should not be taken as a sign of anything like that at all… 1,012,543… 1,012,544…

September 26, 2002
Great news! I have already done the Al Gore Lambada three times this morning to celebrate! Believe it or not, someone out there is actually reading this. My blog has been linked to a place called Live Action.
But if you think about it, then it isn’t surprising. After all, isn’t Al Gore the first thing that pops into most people’s minds when they see the word’s ‘live’ and ‘action’ together?

September 25, 2002
People keep asking me why I refuse to refer to the current president, my opponent in the 2000 election, the former governor of Texas by name.
It’s not that I am bitter or jealous of the man. Hardly. The simple fact is that Tipper just installed this anti-pornographic software which deletes certain words, the president’s last name being one of them.
I swear it’s true. I’d put my John Hancock, whoops, on it.

September 24, 2002
Oh boy, I have been looking around (‘surfing’ as we ‘hip’ people like to call it) this contraption of mine called the Internet again and lo and behold my name is everywhere today: Gore Decries Iraq War Push and Gore joins Iraq critics.
Guess American Express may not want me for their commercial after all, especially since some folks ‘still do recognize me.’ :)*
*That is also another little thing I invented for this blog, a computer smiley face. I bet nobody else would have thought of that.

September 23, 2002
Breaking news: Having wrapped up three days of extensive talks as to whether I should grow back my beard, my advisers and I decided remain clean-shaven.
I must say that I am saddened by the decision as I believe the beard added an exciting new dimension to Al Gore. Instead of ‘bland, boring Al Gore’, I became ‘the same ol’ Al Gore but with a beard’.
Moreover, I believe there has been a healthy exchange of ideas on both sides of the Al Gore beard issue.
And I hope to make this free and open dialogue on this and other important issues on the minds of all Americans a cornerstone of my administration.

September 22, 2002
Didn't shave today despite advice to the contrary. Beard growth = 0.17 millimeters. Very exciting.

September 21, 2002
A question everyone keeps asking me these days is "Al, how come as the inventor of the Internet you don’t have your own blog?" And my firm, steady and immediate response has always been: "What’s a blog?"
But finally my staff and I held an eleven-hour meeting about blogging yesterday and it was decided that I launch one to coincide with the unofficial start of my 2004 campaign for the White House.
Now I know what you are going to say. ‘Al your opponent on the Republican side already has a diary and a blog.’
Well, to that my team have written a 26-page rebuttal of which the gist is this: I may have invented this Internet thing, but I am not going sit idly by while my opponents accuse me of originality.

Send this page to a friend