Craig Ferguson on Britney Spears and Kevin Federline
(In regards to Britney Spears and Kevin Federline)
They are insisting there is no honeymoon sex tape…I could have told you that.
Making a sex tape involves some work so K-fed is not going to be involved with that.
The rest the opening monologue from The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson on November 21st.
(In regards to Google)
It’s a great day for America…
The Google stock is $500 a share now. I have no clue what that means.
If you want to find out, you can Google it.
(In regards to the new $1 coin)
I don’t think America will embrace the dollar coin. Americans don’t want the dollar coin don’t you know that.
Americans want the new coin as much as they want the O.J. Simpson special.
(In reg
Spielberg’s right, maybe we should clean up television, but maybe he should put his money where his mouth is. He should make some TV shows…
Take some of his movies, turn them into television series.
Have ET fight crime.
“He’s a maverick cop who doesn’t play by the rules. And he’s from another planet. It’s E.T.P.D.”
Craig Ferguson on the Snoop Dogg Bust
It’s a great day for America. Not such a great day for Snoop Dogg. He got arrested again. He was caught with guns and marijuana and cocaine. WHO SAW THAT COMING?
Guns, marijuana and cocaine after doing the “Tonight Show”. Do you know what? I think he was ratted out by Jay Leno. I think Jay dropped the dime on him.
Yeah, look Snoop’s here. He’s got some stuff.
He’ll kill me for that.
Craig Ferguson on Michael Richards and Mel Gibson
It’s a great day for America because … Well, it’s a great day for Michael Richards, that’s why. It is actually. He’s had a couple of bad days in the last week or so …
Finally, someone came out and said they support him and they feel for him. He’s getting some support from Mel Gibson. Did you hear about that? It’s true. It’s absolutely true …
You know when Mel’s on your side I don’t think it’s helping.
Craig Ferguson Talks About Britney Spears’ Ca
Jokes from THE LATE LATE SHOW WITH CRAIG FERGUSON monologue for December 1, 2006
The L.A. Auto Show started today.
This year the hybrid cars all the rage. I don’t really know what a hybrid car is.
Part car, part robot.
The car companies don’t really understand what hybrids are supposed to be either.
They don’t know they are supposed to be eco-friendly.
“This Hybrid runs on gasoline and baby seals. It’s for the new millennium.”
Do you know why I like going to auto shows, for the concept cars. The mockup cars of the future.
It’s a big shiny car you’ll never get to drive cause they’ll never make it.
It’s kinda like going to a strip club: “It’s a big shiny woman you’ll never get to have sex with.”
What else is going on? Oh yes Kramer, yes still in the news this week as well.
When this all started on Monday, I would have laid money down that he’d be in rehab by now…
If celebrities stop blaming alcohol, start taking personal responsibility for their craziness,
the rehabs will go out of business.
It’s getting cold for LA. If it gets any colder,
Britney Spears is going to have to start wearing underpants.
Went on ABC News website today and they are calling Britney “The panty-less menace.”
Why are reporters even covering this?…
Aren’t there things going on in the world?
“Yes, today in Iraq, the fighting intensified… hold on.
Breaking news. Britney Spears. Britney Spears’ cat spotted getting out of limo.”
Craig Ferguson On Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Elmo
Jokes from THE LATE LATE SHOW WITH CRAIG FERGUSON monologue for December 4, 2006
Britney Spears turned 25 this weekend.
I hope she got something useful for her birthday. Underpants perhaps.
Britney’s pal Lindsay Lohan has been, according to her publicist, she has been going to AA meetings.
Doesn’t anyone recognize the fact that the second word of AA is Anonymous?
The movie piracy comes from being a big business in Asia.
You can buy new movies on any street corner, just like that, for pennies.
And you can get the knockoffs of American toys…
A lot gets lost in translation though. I saw the Tickle Me Elmo called “Touch Me on Red Parts to make me happy” doll.
