Updated daily because we have nothing better to do.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004 07:52:31 PM
NOTICE FROM AL GORE The Latest Inventions From Al Gore Laboratories
As you probably know by now, I have decided not to run for president in 2004 and will instead devote my time to a number of inventions I am currently working on here at Al Gore Laboratories.
The following are just some of the new technologies I am busy developing these days. (If any of them are just half as successful as the Internet, then I won't even need a real job.)
The Mobile Phone Imagine being able to take your own telephone everywhere you go. Well, with this revolutionary new device of mine, you don't have to limit yourself to being loud and obnoxious in your own home. Now you can be loud and obnoxious wherever you are, whether it be in an office, on a bus or in a restaurant.
The Al Gore Human Transporter I debated with myself for a long time as to what to call this device. I considered “Ginger” and just simply “IT' but the Al Gore Human Transporter rolled off the tongue so easily that I stuck with it. I still don't have a clue how people are going to use this gadget. But what the heck, a whole lot of hype never hurt anyone.
Sliced Bread Ever wonder what you are going to do with all that sliced ham, cheese and bologna? Not much if you are still using old-fashioned bread. However, with sliced bread you not only can increase your daily supply of riboflavin but can also put all those ingredients together in another invention of mine called the sandwich (TM).
The Al Gore Trac XI Shaving Implement This dawned upon me recently when I decided to get rid of the beard I was growing. With a steel blade I was able to shave just part of my beard. Yet by adding another blade I was able to shave closer but still not as close as I would have liked. By adding nine more blades I was able to shave even closer still, (but not as close as the Al Gore Trac XII razor that is coming out next year.)
Stand-Up Comedy Now here's one that came to me while I was making an appearance on a show called Saturday Night Live. (I hadn't heard about this show before but apparently it has been around for over 25 years.) Anyway, my invention concerns having a man or woman stand on a stage and tell jokes to an audience. Wait 'til the folks in the Catskills hear about this one.
As you probably know by now, I have decided not to run for president in 2004 and will instead devote my time to a number of inventions I am currently working on here at Al Gore Laboratories.
The Mobile Phone Imagine being able to take your own telephone everywhere you go. Well, with this revolutionary new device of mine, you don't have to limit yourself to being loud and obnoxious in your own home. Now you can be loud and obnoxious wherever you are, whether it be in an office, on a bus or in a restaurant.
The Al Gore Human Transporter I debated with myself for a long time as to what to call this device. I considered “Ginger” and just simply “IT' but the Al Gore Human Transporter rolled off the tongue so easily that I stuck with it. I still don't have a clue how people are going to use this gadget. But what the heck, a whole lot of hype never hurt anyone.
Sliced Bread Ever wonder what you are going to do with all that sliced ham, cheese and bologna? Not much if you are still using old-fashioned bread. However, with sliced bread you not only can increase your daily supply of riboflavin but can also put all those ingredients together in another invention of mine called the sandwich (TM). 
The Al Gore Trac XI Shaving Implement This dawned upon me recently when I decided to get rid of the beard I was growing. With a steel blade I was able to shave just part of my beard. Yet by adding another blade I was able to shave closer but still not as close as I would have liked. By adding nine more blades I was able to shave even closer still, (but not as close as the Al Gore Trac XII razor that is coming out next year.)
Stand-Up Comedy Now here's one that came to me while I was making an appearance on a show called Saturday Night Live. (I hadn't heard about this show before but apparently it has been around for over 25 years.) Anyway, my invention concerns having a man or woman stand on a stage and tell jokes to an audience. Wait 'til the folks in the Catskills hear about this one.
