Tuesday, July 26, 2005 10:08:20 AM
TRANSLATION
Jennifer Aniston's Former Boyfriend To Auction Memorabilia On eBay
Jennifer Aniston's high school sweetheart, Michael Baroni,
has made plans to start auctioning off items from their
romance on eBay starting July 29. Baroni hopes to make $100,000 --
or roughly what an online satire writer earns in a day -- from the
sale. Our team of so-called reporters with far too much time on
their hands translated his remarks.
Jennifer Aniston Ex Michael Baroni: She didn't have a birthday
card for me. She felt really bad
for me so she ran into my bathroom and took out some toilet
paper and wrote me a birthday love note.
Translation: Yes, on second thought, I guess I should have read a
little more into the symbolism of the
gesture at the time.
Jennifer Aniston Ex Michael Baroni: She was a fabulous kisser. I saw her go into the kitchen to
get a drink or something,
I followed her in, shut the door and spun around and kissed her.
Translation: Yeah, that's the ticket. And then I started dating
my future wife Morgan Fairchild.
Jennifer Aniston Ex Michael Baroni: Maybe I'll bump into
her some day. She'll either hug me or slap me.
Who knows?
Translation: Maybe Karl Rove
knows what her reaction will be and can leak it to me ahead of time.
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