Updated daily because we have nothing better to do.
Monday, July 18, 2005 12:05:24 PM
TRANSLATION
Jude Law Apologizes for Marital Infidelity

Jude Law issued an apology today after reports in the British press linked him romantically to his children's nanny, Daisy Wright. Law, who played the womanizing title character in Alfie, a recent remake of the 1960s classic, is presently married to Sienna Miller, who he started seeing while he was married to Sadie Frost. Is anyone still keeping score?

Anyway, our team of so-called reporters with far too much time on their hands translated Mr. Law's comments after stories about his marital infidelity surfaced.

Jude Law: I just want to say I am deeply ashamed and upset.

Translation: It's all because of the fact I love Katie Holmes more than anyone would ever believe and I need to suppress this desire by constantly having marriages and affairs with women who are not Katie until my dream is fulfilled.


Jude Law: I want to publicly apologize ... for the pain I have caused.

Translation: Prepare for battle, Mr. Cruise.


Jude Law: There is no defense of my actions which I sincerely regret.

Translation: Oprah here I come.


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