Friday, June 10, 2005 01:32:04 PM
HEALTH
Russell Crowe Is A Victim And Not A Criminal
Russell Crowe was arrested in New York City last weekend for hurling a telephone at a member of the staff at the Manhattan hotel where he was staying.
Sadly, as is all too common in the mainstream press these days, the Australian actor is being portrayed as a spoiled malcontent who feels he can do whatever he pleases while staying at a $3000 a night hotel suite rather than the victim that he is.
Yes, that's right, victim. For, if the establishment press had delved a little deeper, it would have discovered that Mr Crowe suffers from nonsensicum telephonicus projectilus, a rare affliction that causes people -- for no apparent reason -- to throw devices that transmit speech.
From the time he was six years old and flung his first walkie-talkie at his cousin from Melbourne, Russell Crowe has been a chronic sufferer of this disease.
The mainstream press has cynically dismissed the event as yet another ploy to bring some much-needed attention to his latest film, “Cinderella Man.” Of course, the mainstream media also cynically dismissed the torrid love affair that exists between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes as a “publicity stunt.”
Thankfully, we the members of the satirical press, through a combination of having far too much time on our hands and the desire to spend all day in our pyjamas making up things as we see fit, are able to set the record straight.
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