Wednesday, January 19, 2005 01:45:09 PM
HEALTH
Yoga for Democrats
Sitting comfortably on your mat, legs folded, with your hands on your knees.
Close your eyes, and center yourself. Ujai breath, ocean breath. Om.
Leave behind the troubles of the season-Swiftboat Veterans for Truth,
touch-screen voting machines, Ohio. Don't think about where these things
have brought us today, to a second term of George W. Bush! Do you understand
me!!!?! QUIET THE MIND!!!!
Breathing deeper now. Keep refocusing on the breath, take advantage of the
relatively clean air while we've still got it. We're going to do a special
series of poses today for the second term of the Bush administration.
One. Let's start in Downward Facing Donkey, hands and feet planted on the
ground, tailbone in the air, head hanging down deferentially. This is a
resting pose. It's one we'll be seeing a lot of in Congress over the next
four years, so you better get used to it.
Two. Next is Virabhadrasana, or Warrior pose. An especially good pose to
practice if you're of draft age. If you're lucky, you'll get some armor to
protect yourself when it comes time to REALLY practice this pose.
Three. The pen is mightier than the AK-47! Let's all move into
Krugmanasana, or Fight the Right pose, writing hand gripping an imaginary
pen to compose a powerful screed. You may be feeling a boiling sensation in
your blood. If not, you will soon enough.
Four. For those of you who have brought your prop brick, hold it in your
raised hand for this next pose. For the rest of you, just grab whatever is
available. This is called Riotasana. Fierce yoga!
Five. Now, Arrestasana pose. Standing up, chest forward, hands behind your
back with fingers interlaced. If you're straining yourself here, well,
tough.
Six. Next let's go to Kramyuintoavanaya, crouching slightly with your body
gathered into itself. Here especially, remember to keep breathing.
Seven. This may be a new pose for some of you, Sitinjailonyourasana. Sit on
the floor, legs drawn in to your chest.
Eight. A nice pose for release is Leavemealonewilya. From the previous
pose, just roll onto your side, curling yourself into a ball. Also works
great for a hangover.
Gently returning now to a sitting position, tailbone firmly on the ground,
hands on your knees. Eyes closed. Ujai breath into Bush's second term. Om!
Repeat after me, Om shanti shanti shanti om.
Namaste.
Brought to you by Paul VanDeCarr, president of Yogatown, USA, featuring offices on both coasts.
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