Updated daily because we have nothing better to do.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004 07:44:39 PM
MISSIONS Mission Accomplished
My Fellow Americans,
One year after the removal of an evil dictator
from Iraq, I am happy to announce -- once more --
“Mission Accomplished!” Yes, that's right, our
involvement in Iraq has been nothing other than
a complete success. Our goals have been achieved. Peace and stability have arrived in a country isolated from civilization by a brutal man.
It is heartwarming to see just how thankful the people of Iraq are about being unshackled from the tyrannical chains of Saddam Hussein by the United States. Throughout the country throngs of grateful Iraqi citizens greet newly arrived Americans by hurling stones and firing gunshots in their direction as a sign of their appreciation for being liberated from the throes of a despicable regime.
American troops have been continually welcomed by the symbolic launching of rocket-propelled grenades, a traditional Iraqi ceremony dating back centuries that demonstrates one's thankfulness at being freed from an oppressor.
Perhaps most touching of all is to hear the countless stories of Iraqi hospitality in which Americans and other westerners are taken from the streets of Baghdad and other towns in broad daylight and given free room and board in unknown locations for unspecified periods of time.
I also want to take this opportunity to thank world leaders like Vladimir Putin, Gerhard Schroder and Jacques Chirac who selflessly decided not to have any part in this affair and thus allowed us to take all the credit for its success.
I am overwhelmed, too, by the enormous show of support for our efforts from the millions of people throughout the world who have carried signs and chanted encouraging slogans like “US Out Of Iraq” and “Bush Must Go!”
My Fellow Americans,
